I'm Thankful!!!!

Tomorrow is thanksgiving and I'm super excited more for the food and chilling with my family and friends.....this thanksgiving is a little bitter sweet...my family usually get together every year at my moms....and for the last two thanksgivings we I had to spend them with other peoples family...I'm thankful that in times when family are off doing there own thing I still have great friends......I posted on FB that I needed a place to go for Thanksgiving this year since my family wasn't getting together.....from that moment the offers started pouring in....people I haven't spoke to in years were offering me a place at their families dinner table.....That just goes to show that I know allot of good people...and I must be a very good person for people to care so much about me....I thank every one for their kind gestures and wish I could go to all you guys dinners lol....awww y'all made me cry *tears*....I am truly a blessed little lady

I have plans to get all my family together next year....I wanna do Thanksgiving at my home next year....That's what I love about thanks giving time to be with family.....xoxo

MY FAMILY

i heard she got a white man....o_O

Interracial Dating/Miscegenation: Marriage or sexual relations between individuals of different races...aka Jungle Fever.....

I get asked allot how is it to date a white man....I'm wondering is it supposed to be different? If so I need a refund....for some reason people assume that dating a white man some how implies your dating better....where this idea comes from idk....but I will say this it has nothing to do with my mans race that I'm dating "better" trust me when I say this its the man not the skin color....I hear allot of women saying I'm going to get me a white man...as if this will solve her problems with men....I go thru the same exact things with this white man that I went thru with black men...so I think you'll find its a man thing not a race thing....

I have witnessed many side eyes from surprisingly black people other races don't seem to care at all.....anytime this has happen it has either been a older black couple or a young black man.....I remember being in Walmart with my boyfriend and his black guy with his girlfriend cuts me in line......not only did he cut in front of me but he turns around to stare my boyfriend down like he was daring my boyfriend to say something....I'm like dude its the express lane and you only got one item....you can go in front its not a big deal....Most recently I posted a video of me and Lee on my YouTube channel doing a boyfriend tag....Some guy again black made a comment calling me a "sell out white mans black bitch".....now me being the lady I am lol deleted the comment and blocked the person....the person goes and makes a new YouTube channel just so he could come back and comment again....Really is it that serious? when we are out and about all stares come from black guys.....I honestly don't have a clue on why they act so pressed....If you guys wont me to make some big parade on how much I love black men its not going to happen.....I don't need to run around screaming my love for black men....just to make y'all happy....I'm a black woman and it should be clear as day...who I chose to love should be least of a black mans worries....

I don't know why other people date out side their race....I can only speak for myself its called falling and love with the person and not their looks,color,social status,money etc.....I don't remember society ever caring about who I dated until I started dating a white man lol.....

let me end with this...I know its easy to assume that all black men are dogs...often times we see other races relationships and it seems as if they don't have the same issues we have with our men....deadbeats,jail birds,abusers,drug users/dealers etc.....I haven't done a study on this or anything...but its has been proven that its the person...a man will be a man....its nothing wrong with wanting to date outside your race...just make sure your doing for the right reasons....what are the right reasons you ask? LOVE!!!!!!

I Still Believe

this is my pick for the song of the week....I have been in such low spirits lately...this songs reminds me that even when I feel alone....I need to remember god is always here with me....I decided to share it with you guys and hopes if your having one of those days....where you just wanna give up...this song will help you get thru it just by reminding you to believe always in the Lord and he will see you thru.....this is my cousin Barbara singing I hope you guys enjoy her voice as much as I do....

Crystal Lewis cover by 

Barbara "I Still Believe"

"just when i think my faith is gone
i hear your sweet voice crying out hold on
it’s amazing how we, we’re always meant to be
and now i can breathe again"

Dear People I love the Most.....

Sometimes I feel like I am not a good friend/sister/daughter/niece to the people I love the most.....I do not come around.call or text......My family friends can literally count on one hand how many times they have been over my house....and some have never been over and honestly they probably wont ever either...I just need you, guys to understand me and accept me for whom I am...I will explain to you guys why I am like this and I hope you, guys will understand.....

I grew up in an one parent home with my mommy and three sisters...as far as I could remember there was always someone living with us....we never had a house with just us....I never had my own room as a kid or my own bed....I shared a bed with my big sister Vanessa all the way until i was 18........not because we piss poor but because my mama was always letting someone live with us....as a kid I watched things and observed things happen to my mom.....I witnessed my mom letting folks live with us with their kids and she would be the only one that worked.....Every single person that has ever lived with us dogged me and my sisters out while my mom was at work point blank period....these were often family members or friends of the family....I clear as day remember my mom would be at work and her so called friends and my so called relative would talk about her right in front of us....call her an unfit mother, nasty and ugly I even heard people call her a whore. These very same people lived with her and did not work sat home all day and smiled in my mothers face when she got home from work.

I was always the outspoken one I would take up for my mom....and speak my mind so I was considered the smart mouth child who thought she was grown.....I always felt like i was a threat to people...like literally grown ass women would lie on me to get my in trouble so that i could get a whopping....I did not get very many whippings and I can remember every single one of them...and I never felt like any of them were ever justified....I always felt I only got whippings because I was a child that spoke the truth and the truth hurt..The so called adults that were punishing me were not punishing me because i misbehaved...but because they did not like my smart mouth ass and could not wait at the chance to beat my ass....every adult that was supposed to protect me as a kid hurt me and broke that trust.....as a kid adults are supposed to protect you from harm not bring harm your way.....I have so much resentment towards allot of people based off the things I went thru and witnessed as a kid......

my child hood was not all peaches and creams but I am not fucked up about it....I did not turn into this wild rebellious teenager/adult....what I did was build a wall to protect me from getting hurt...and it carried on with me as an adult...my loud aggressive do not fuck with me attitude....this is the why I fought allot in school....I had this I am going to get you before you get me....I had so much resentment towards my mom....one because she was too damn kind to people and got taken advantage of all the time....two because I am just like her even though i have been fighting all my life not to be.....I hated that she worked all the time...and me and my sisters would be at home getting treated like orphans...she was our only protection and I thought she failed....and I swore to myself  I would never ever let things like that happen to me.

That is why I do not let folks in my home....its my shield of protection against the world....I can control what happens in my home....That's why I do not come around that often...because it lessens the chances of me being hurt by people I love the most. I have allot of hurt in my heart and 99% of it was caused by people that I love.....I hope one day God heals my heart and soul so that I can change.....until then I just ask that my friends and family understand me and know that I love you, guys with all my heart...although I may not come around I am working every day to change.....the few friends that I have are my friends for a reason....I know beyond a shadow of a doubt you, guys would never intentionally try to hurt me......I thank y'all for that....

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

this aint a scene,its an arms race

this is my song of the week...i love this song i remember when it came out in 2007...i use to blast this song over and over and over....not only is the video hilarious but the lyrics are awesome....regardless of what genre of music you prefer i promise you will love this song....it gets you hype and ready for the work week....i love the lead singer Patrick voice....

 Fall out Boys

"this aint a scene, its a arms race"

"I am an arms dealer
Fitting you with weapons in the form of words
And don't really care which side wins
As long as the room keeps singing
That's just the business I'm in, yeah"