I sit here in this bed for 5 damn days now........I have only left my house to go get something to eat.....I am very certain that I am going through a depression.....I know of no other way to talk about this then to blog my thoughts fully unedited and just type as I sit and listen to gospel music......I don't know what is going on with me well I do know.....because my brain knows this is not my private journal I am writing in and that millions can see my inner feelings with just a click...its not allowing me to come full circle here and now with my thoughts.....I am feeling like a true caged bird I speak of this often but the feeling is getting worse and worse.....I am not happy where my life is right now as I see it as I am living it....I don't have any fancy way of putting this or any play on words I can use other than....I need God more than I have ever needed him in my life......I am at my breaking point emotionally ...I am constantly being strong smiling and uplifting but lord Jesus I am on the verge of giving up......Where do you turn emotionally when you don't have the words to let people know you need help????? How do I get my self out of the feeling im stuck in......The world is moving and I am here in my bed on my 5th day of not caring anymore......
My views from behind the brush
2 comments:
This is such a sad blog! I wish I could give you a big hug, but the Atlantic & a few hundred miles wont permit it. You were so happy in your vlog on YT a few weeks ago when you got engaged. Why so sad? Even if you're not literally with him, I'm sure you're in his heart.
As the saying goes, 'God has a plan for us'. We just have to trust and believe. No matter how you are feeling every second, minute, hour, day & week that passes brings you closer to the reveal of that plan.
Whatever you are going through, is needed to build you up & make you stronger. You know you're a survivor. Just look for the good in your life to negate the stuff that's making you feel down. There's always something that you can be grateful for, even if it's that you made to another day.
I know that you'll make it through the 'funk' you're in & turn it into the funky that we both know you exude.
Thinking of you...
Xainab (Curly Coily Xai)
Thank you I do appreciate the support!
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