I never knew how important family was until I moved 1,200 miles away!

   

Hey loves so I am back look at me getting back into making blogs again......lol so I know my last two post have been very sad and have caught you guys off guard....Since I am always so happy.....Well I understand and I don't really have a way of putting things other then yes I have been going through a very emotional pit right now.....Some days you feel like you wanna give up and thats ok as long as you never give up.....Because the moment you do all your "haters" win and we can't let that happen can we? I am very ok and fully aware of what my spirit can and can not handle......I just share my emotions openly on these social media networks.....I so appreciated the love and support of all my loved ones and supporters because what if I needed serious help....you guys reaching out would have been enough for me to rethink any thoughts that I couldn't take back.....I know a lot of you guys felt I was suicidal I promise that was not the case at all.....But the fact that you guys felt enough passion in your heart for a complete stranger to email me and let me know I am in your prayers I am very thankful and I soooooo will not take it in vain.......


     Yes my post was a cry out for help because I was at a point where I just felt trapped in my own negative thoughts......I never felt like I wanted to end my life but I did feel hopeless like I wanted to just give up and not attempt to over come my obstacles ....I have always been strong and no matter what I have going on I always call on Jesus, with his love and protection God has always gotten me through......I don't really ever share my deep thoughts I keep them bottled up but as I grow older i feel its ok to let people know that I have a hard time sometimes.....and I would love to have my mom call me and ask if I am ok...Rather than her just assuming I am ok because like I said I always am........I would love for my sisters to call me and reach out and ask if I need anything....Bascially I am a loner I 100% keep to myself and if I didn't have a fiance people wouldn't hear from me from months on end......I know that not fair to my loved ones and i know in order for my family to want to reach out to me....I have to open that door.......

So going forward I will make the biggest effort in my life to reach out to my loved ones.....I have been here for a year next month on the 25th and I can count on one hand of how many times I have spoke to each family member since I been here......The selfish part of me would love to place the blame all on them and play the victim.....However i am an adult and know when you point one finger 3 are always pointing back at you.....How many times have I reached out and let them know hey I miss y'all? I can honestly count on one hand lol......The thing is with every waking day I am grateful to have the opportunity to make my next breath better than the last......I have the most loving family any one can ask....I have built this huge wall between myself and others....One day when I have time and the urge I will let you guys in on why this wall is built.....

I am writing my thoughts as I think them so I am not sure if you understand what I am saying.....My pain and hurt and spiritual pain that I have been feeling comes from not feeling like I have anyone.....So I want to share this with you guys one to let you know I am ok.....I also hope this helps someone and allows you to be encouraged .....In order for you to heal those broken bridges you have to take ownership of your part in it as well.....I prayed to God to heal these bridges between me and my family I want to have a stronger bond.....I don't want to go a day without speaking to my parents.....I never knew how important family was until I moved 1,200 miles away.....Now I understand I do need people I can't be miss "I don't need nobody" and these are the people God has put me with so they are of most importance.....I will leave this post with this final thought.......I love and miss my family!!!

yahgirltiffy ^_^