I meet a lot of older women that are wise in age as well as mind.....even if they are just a few years older they always offer wisdom to me.....i had a chance to speak with a lady.....i had just got done crying and she asked what was wrong....so i told her and from there we bonded and every time i see her we catch up....she has been married for three years and with her husband 15 years before they were married so a total of 18yrs.......now this woman of course has went thru hell and back in this relationship.....she was telling me a story of when she worked at Burger King as a Manager and her then boyfriend was sleeping with one of the cashiers......and she had no idea until one day the girl was mad at him and told her everything.....she said she beat the breaks off that girl and was arrested and lost her job.....he also got two different women pregnant during the relationship.....both of those kids are older than the two she has with him.....he has full custody of one since she was 2yrs so she is raising her......she says for like a year he left her to be with some random chick...and the sad thing about it is he moved literally around the corner dog......
now y'all know I've asked why and the hell is she with him.....she says she has dated and actually loved other men but it doesn't last....because she becomes so jealous and insecure the relationships always end.....she says the whole year he was gone she missed his ass like crazy but she did not call him not once....and he came back one day and she let him back no questions asked.....he proposed and they have been married three years now.....and she says she still cant trust him...she doesn't have any proof he is cheating but she knows him well enough.....so she is in this marriage that appears happy but in the inside she feels so insecure.....i could not imagine being in something like that....i never like to tell anyone to leave because i know its easier said then done.....but she deserves to be happy when your man touches you...your supposed to fell like that touch is yours...
i tell her about my relationship and all the mess i put up with and deal with....and she tells me to take it day by day.....but sometimes just think about her situation makes me want to get out this mess before i be in her shoes......i wonder why do we accept so much from men....he got two women pregnant on her and he left her for a year and moved around the damn corner....I'm sure he has done other shit.....like why do we give so many chances? i hope and pray that if this relationship is meant to stand the test of time....that i do not end being the insecure woman forcing myself to make a marriage work that was over 15 years ago.....smh.
if you're reading this please comment i would love to know.....your thoughts on why you think we stay in relationships that are unhealthy.....and if you are one of those women that leave the first time and never look back...i wanna know how you were able to do it?
10 comments:
As women we tend to get stuck on thinking about how times were when they were perfect. Sweet, loving, trustworthy etc. We keep accepting on the grounds of hoping for change! Unfortunately a man will only do to you what you allow him to do and in my opinion if you keep putting up with crap its just gonna keep building up and nothing will change. Only way a change will happen is if you change. Change by stopping the wishful thinking, take the situation in as it is and act on that not o it use to be like this or that. Been there done that, next!! As you noticed with that woman it was one thing after another cause she kept allowing it!
As for your situation I dunno what you're going through but I know you well enough to know you are too strong to be a doormat if that is the issue. You have a great personality and deserve the moon and back!! If he won't there is someone else that will. Don't miss out on true happiness hoping for change! You're too good for that!
Dunno if I hit ur question right or not but hope I hehelped!
No one outside the relationship/marriage would ever understand the love that those two share. From an outsider lookin in it may seem messy or unhealthy but to the couple they may have a love/hate relationship that works for them.
I used to be that woman that can leave and don't look back but only after I was driven to the point of no return and once I was there I stood my ground by convincing myself that the only reason why this guy was on my phone, at my door, and in my face crying and begging me to come back was because he only wanted to lure me back in so HE could be the one to end it and crush me and my heart and feelings and I love myself too much to let someone feel like they got one off on me like that.
Set me up so that everytime I would see them they would be laughing at me while I would be dying inside....NO!
So I guess I did it just for self preservation, self protection. Even though I cried myself to sleep many nights, when they saw me it was all smiles and fineness on my part, making life look like it was soooo much better without them. And in time I made that lie the truth.
Concerning that ladies testimony I feel so sorry for her in a way because it has got to be torture living like that, trying to work but your mind is always on where is he at and if there is some woman in your house or in your bed or in your car...you've got to love yourself more than that!
Stress causes, heart attacks, high blood pressure, strokes, depression, anuerisms, insomnia and other illnesses that I am not thinking of right now because once stress is in your body it has to be released or it will find it's own release through your heart or arteries or organs. If that lady is not excercising to release her stress tell her she needs to start or she can look forward to some health issues in the future.
But a warning to any ladies reading this, sometimes, after all the frogs God will send you a prince and you might not recognize him because he may not have a 5 or 6 figure income or the flyest car or even have all the muscles, but he is a prince.
So I caution you to give yourself time after a breakup to get yourself together or your jealousy, insecurities, meanness, and bitterness will drive him away.
I thank God that the one HE sent me loved me out of my craziness. I used to check his email, text messages, mail, voicemail, and anything else cause I was convinced he was crooked like other men I have known, but God gave him patience to wait on me to get it together cause he knew what he had and over the years he has earned my trust, because he deserves it.
Hey, that comment was from Auntie it just blocked my name lol!
Thanks ladies I totally agree with both points....as for my situation It's not perfect by far.....I don't ever hope someone would change for me....I only ever hope that I can help a person relize what should change.......as far as taking someone back time after time I believe everything has a limit......I more or so wanted to know...why you stayed or if you left what was your breaking point
Uncle Irv said, most older women stay cause they don't think it's anything else out there. All media sources tell women there are more single women than men out there and they are too scared to be alone. So they would rather accept mess because they say its better than the alternative.
They think the devil that they know is better than the one they don't know. He says that you can't always blame these men, these women deserve most of the blame because they accept this mess.
They only do to these women what they allow them to do to them. If a woman let's it be known from the door this is how it is and no if ands or buts than he would know from the door I can either be right or be left.
Hallelujah, preach daddy!
He says you be the example Tiff cause you are strong enough to let it be known you don't take no crap so when your family and friends see you standing up it strengthens the weaker ones to do the same.
You stand out Tiff, you don't take no mess and those watching may catch on.
My breaking point in my past relationship was when I was about to fight some girl over HER man, cause I was the other woman and I NEVER fight over any man, then I knew it was time to go!! Walking away was the hardest thing I ever did cause that stuff was good, he begged me every day for a year to take him back, left her and all but I couldn't do it. Self preservation.
Don't like putting my business out there like this but hopefully it helps someone.
I don't stay in anything I don't want.....for me when I'm done I'm done....but I have given out chances....sometimes when they are not deserving
Sometimes women stay because they hope the situation will change,or cant go anywhere because they dont have anywhere else to go. I cant speak for other women but for myself only. Take me for example, I stay because I dont have anywhere else to go but trust, I was done a year ago and when I say its over, its over. I have just accepted the situation for what it is. I know who I am and I love me some me if a man does not love you enough to get his mind right and treat a woman like a queen then that is on him and on her if she chooses to stay with him. Some people do not know their self worth to want better for themselves. Some women are defined by a man because they have not been loved genuinely and i think that is where the acceptance of substandard treatment from a man stems from. I have been there also. Not knowing the love of a father or a mother (in my mind) will send you to a place where you look for love everywhere but where it really originates, yourself and first ans foremost, GOD.... That's why I feel us as women should bond together more and have a united sisterhood. instead of hating, backstabbing,fighting each other over a cheating ass man etc. We should hold each other high and wrap one another in mutual love of being women. I could go on and on but as my niecie Poo always says,"Auntie be writ-in books". lol Love me some YagirlTiffy...
I know someone will read this blog and get inspired to leave a broken relationship
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